Porn is love you can see.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
