I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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