dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
