I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
