Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize