Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize