So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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