I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
