I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
