Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
