And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
