I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
