So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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