I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
