Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
