??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
