New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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