dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize