My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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