ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
