I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
