Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
