My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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