based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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