Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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