I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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