peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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