We won't sleep together?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
