he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am spending my child support on dildos
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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