It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
