update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
