I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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