U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So much rum. So many feels.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
