then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
