i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
