so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize