Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
