i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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