My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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