We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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