i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Duck Duck Cougar?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
