My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
