i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize