and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So many bounce houses so little time
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
