why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
