i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just high enough for therapy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize