I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
