i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize