I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize