Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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