His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is classic penis vs brain.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize