I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want to make out with him forever
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
