This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
