I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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