Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
