i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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