I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
