In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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