We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
