OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
