hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Houston, we have a squirter
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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