I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
