i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
