We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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