just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
