I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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