you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
