Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
