I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
