party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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