Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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